From the Fiji Times classified section comes a rural tale of mystery, thievery and possibly a bit of adventure. Alternatively, it's a mildly slow Tuesday afternoon in the office. This classified ad is entirely real, though.
I picked up the phone and dialed:
Duck Hunter (DH): Hello?
Me: Hello. I saw your classified ad in the newspaper today.DH: Ok. Which one?
Me: The one about the ducks. Have you lost other kinds of fowl as well?
DH: No, just the ducks.
Me: Right. So I just wanted to call you because of something that I saw yesterday.
DH: Vinaka. What did you see?
Me: Well...I didn't think anything of it at the time but I happened to be driving down the road in the Vuda region when I saw a man. He looked suspicious.
DH: ...
Me: Are you still there?
DH: Yes...of course. Suspicious how?
Me: Well...he had a large number of ducks with him.
DH: Ok. That is not all that suspicious in the Vuda region though.
Me: Yes, well...I considered that but there was something not right about this man. And the ducks, too. Something wasn't quite right.
DH: In what way?
Me: Well for starters, the Ducks were in chains and they didn't appear to be happy about the situation.
DH: I'm not certain those were my ducks you saw.
Me: I think they were. They had to be. Some of them were blind-folded. It looked like morning walk at Guantanamo Bay.
DH: Ok, well...what did the man look like?
Me: I was kind of busy looking at the ducks but I'm pretty sure he worked for FEA.
DH: Can you tell me anything else about the man?
Me: He also had a few goats.
DH: ...
Me: ...but they weren't blind-folded.
DH: Ok. Thanks for the call.
Me: If this information leads to you finding the ducks, where do I get my $500?
DH: I'll call you.
--
I'm so in the money.
